- Be accessible to your children
- Learn about your children’s interests — for example, favourite music and activities — and show interest in them
- Initiate conversations by sharing what you have been thinking about rather than beginning a conversation with a question.
- Notice times when your children are most likely to talk — for example, at bedtime, before dinner, in the car — and be available.
- Start the conversation; this makes your children know you care about what is happening in their lives.
- Find time each week for a one-on-one activity with each child, and avoid scheduling other activities during that time.
- Let your kids know you are listening
- When your children are talking about concerns, stop whatever you are doing and listen.
- Express interest in what they are saying without being intrusive.
- Listen to their point of view, even if it’s difficult to hear.
- Let them complete their point before you respond.
- Repeat what you heard them say to ensure that you understand them correctly.
- Respond in a way your children will hear
- Soften strong reactions; kids will tune you out if you appear angry or defensive.
- Express your opinion without putting down theirs; acknowledge that it is okay to disagree.
- Resist arguing about who is right. Instead say, “I know you disagree with me, but this is what I think.”
- Focus on your child’s feelings rather than your own during your conversation.
- Note the following;
- Ask your children what they may want or need from you in a conversation, such as advice, simply listening, help in dealing with feelings or help solving a problem.
- Children learn by imitating. Most often, they will follow your lead in how they deal with anger, solve problems and work through difficult feelings.
- Talk to your children — don’t lecture, criticize, threaten or say hurtful things.
- Children learn from their own choices. As long as the consequences are not dangerous, don’t feel you have to step in.
- Realize your children may test you by telling you a small part of what is bothering them. Listen carefully to what they say, encourage them to talk and they may share the rest of the story.